please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
