he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize