either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Did I show you my penis last night?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i think im in europe. pls send help
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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