You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize