he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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