awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
