We named our party play list daddy issues
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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