Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize