She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
