I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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