i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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