And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
