We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
