Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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