Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
