Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
