My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
