will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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