You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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