I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize