Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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