just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
