I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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