Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
