So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
