So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
