Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
