Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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