Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
