benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
