dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
