No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
