I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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