Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
