Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
