I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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