I didn't shave. On purpose
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
