Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
