Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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