my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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