my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
