I'm eating all of the evidence.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
