this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
