So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
