drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
