I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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