Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
