he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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