Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize