What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Randomize
