I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
