If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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