I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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