In the future we'll all be gay
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize