ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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