SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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