All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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