I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
