after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
