Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
