Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
