My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
