i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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