You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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