If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize