you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I looked at my own cervix.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
