Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
