Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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