Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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