There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize