we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
