can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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